Part II

Wow been over a month.

Super duper busy. Long story short:
Trip to Texas and back in truck= success
Not success for sleep patterns nor health.

btw THE HOUSE I LIVE IN CAUGHT ON FIRE. ridiculous.
Firefighters are total badasses.

Also I really do still love the 80's.

Recently I heard someones opinion that's really got me thinking.

The 80's part I

I have been told that I have an unhealthy fascination with the 80's. I don't know where it came from really. Actually I'll save that for another post. But I have this respect for a different time, and cultural mindset. More on this later...

Oh Good Times

I was just looking back through all my old pictures of me on facebook. I think it may have something to do with my Mom joining. But anyway I was going through and realized just how awesome and lucky I am to have such awesome memories and friends. Seriously almost everyone in those pictures rules. I guess it's me kinda starting a new chapter and looking back all nostalgic but seriously wow. I'm impressed. And those are just pics of early college. There's way more memories of highschool that I hold just as dear. I guess my point is, besides the fact that I have had and have the best group of friends, I also look back and go "Wow that was me?" "What the hell kind of shit did I think I was pulling?"

Gets me wondering. About alot of stuff. If I asked that kid working at Space Center Houston what he would be doing at 22. He'd come up with some crazy answer about rock and roll or movies but he wouldn't really KNOW. He was too busy living in the here and now.I think it's worked in the long run to my benefit. Nothing ever really seemed out of reach. I sit here now in LA doing something I set my mind to years ago. But me back then would have no idea how to even go about getting the life I have now. And the answer is that that's fine. No one has a guide or a plan for you that'll work. I've learned that you make YOUR OWN WAY and reach YOUR OWN GOALS. The people and friends hopefully will stay with you forever.

Of course nowadays I sit kind of worried that I've become jaded or cynical but I don't think so. I do think that I have more people directly or indirectly telling me what I can and can not achieve. At least in a certain sense. But then I just look back on those pictures of a young kid who had no idea what he was doing but did it anyway and I feel comforted. It worked for me. Also as was true then and is true now: A healthy dose of Hatebreed and Andrew W.K. doesn't hurt either.

I LOVE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I LOVE THE MEMORIES I SHARE WITH THEM.

one of those days

Today has to have been one of the longest days of my life. All those frames we weave have to collapse into one at some point, right? Those things we fear; that are hard that we put off, they come blazing into your life all at once. Today was that black hole that sucked em all in. Not one or two things but five or six things all hit the fan.

Boy it sucks. But I know I chose the hard way to do things. So I'll deal with them. My decisions, my mistakes. In the end I feel like maybe I need the hard way to do things. The challenge. Something I haven't actually had in awhile. It's gonna be tough.

While I'm emotionally exhausted like I haven't been in years, I also feel a reinvigorated drive to create my own future; to get my act together and build something amazing out of myself.

And that is priceless in my opinion.

Hoops Are Never Fun To Jump Through

Man, UT sure likes to set up elaborate hoop jumping courses in order to do the simplest things.

Weird feeling

I can't help it. I'm a romanticist.

I miss Westplace.
I miss BattleHouse.
I miss West Campus.
I miss hanging out at SpiderHouse till 3am.
I miss 6th street.
I miss Congress Ave.
I miss The Drafthouse.
I miss driving down the drag really late at night.
I miss driving down Lamar really late at night.
I miss driving down Dean Keaton really late at night.
I miss the treehouse feeling in my old old room at Westplace.
I miss having adventures with my friends.
I miss having all my friends in one place.

I miss Austin.

Seems I've left my heart there.

CL surprise visit and Decisions

Heyo,

So I didn't have enough money to get to San Diego for ComiCon. Sucks since I already had tickets. That's what I get for being dirt poor. But instead of that I got to go to CL for my Grandmothers 75th birthday. All my Uncles were there and everyone had a fun time. It was actually a lot of fun and a much needed break from LA.

It felt really good.

While there I read about this book online and I was so interested in it that I went out and bought it. Read 1/3rd of it on the plane and Shiyaat. Book is fucking awesome. It's called ALL YOU NEED IS KILL. Look for it if you're into manly kick ass intelligent sci-fi.

Read a script on the plane too. It was cute and fun, kind of predictable but that's what it was going for. About a fairy tale like princess who joins a garage band and finds love and all that jazz. Going to do some coverage on that one here soon.

Back here in LA now and holy cow do I have stuff to do. Too long to even list. It's kind of like this...

Oh Inspiration...

It's been days since I've written anything for Bengal and Rourke. Makes me kind of sad. I think it's cause I have to read all these different scripts for my internship.

But something weird just happened in the past like 15 minutes. I got super inspired. Actually I can trace this back to last night when I was trying to explain to KOTA about Avatar and that Arnold movie called Crusade that they were gonna do back in the 90's.

I'd love to make Crusade. From what I can gather about it, it's the coolest thing since sliced cheese.

I really wanna give a big new rewrite swing at my WWII timetravel/alternative universe action epic called ADVENT. I think I was approaching it from the wrong place. I'd love to crack that one open.

I really wanna finish KICK BIGFOOT'S ASS, cause that one is just golden.

and BENGAL AND ROURKE is still the tits.

I like the idea that I can make something.
Maybe adapt OMEGA BOOST. That would rule.

I worked

Dude that internship at WhiteRockLake is badass as shit.
They're kind of apart of a prominent creature designer in Hollywood and they work on really really cool action/horror/sci fi stuff.
Couldn't ask for much more then that.

My first two days were spent moving them into new offices across the parking lot from where they already are and it seems pretty cool.

Of course I can't help being a little awkward somewhat when I'm first around people so I'm sure I came off a little strange at first but whatever.

Also I walked past Sacha Baron Cohen. Cool.

Gotta go back in Tuesday. But today and tomorrow is get shit together time.

Guitarist I really like

The following is a list of guitarist I really think are awesome and have shaped and or continue to shape my playing.

Wes Borland from Limp Bizkit
Dino Cazares from Fear Factory
Trevor Rabin from YES especially 90125
Andy Summers from The Police
Justin Beck from GlassJaw
Minus The Bear
Dimebag Darrell
lostprophets

MINI UPDATE TIME

Well I know you all are waiting for a nice long ranting and raving nonsensical entry from me (you'll get one I promise, I'm saving up alot of good material) but this entry isn't that one.

News:

I got a really bizarre kinda internship thing where I kind of do whatever this one small production wants me to but only when they remember I'm around. I'm trying to get them to remember I do exist.

I also got a second (real) internship for the online marketing division of Full Moon Productions. I don't know about that one; I go in on Monday but it's all marketing, nothing too creative. Kinda got a weird retro BestBuy feeling in a roundabout way. So it seems shady to me. I'll try it out.

Because all this happening I'm feeling like staying out here is way more of a better idea than going back to ATX. I love that place but it just isn't where I need to be right now in my life. That being said I'll feel real crappy breaking my promises to certain people back in ATX.

If I don't come back I have alot of making up to do.

But, man, this is a strictly gut thing. Imagining being back in school is violently depressingly painful to even consider. I can't go back. Ugh this sucks.

Gonna try and figure something out.

Saturday Caturday

I love I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER and FAILBLOG. That iPhone app saves my day sometimes.

Gonna go see Bruno. And then use the rest of the day to write.
Yesterday I wrote the first time Bengal and Rourke meet each other. Pretty awesome stuff.

I know, I'm past due on a long post. I'll get one up soon I promise.

Oh Jeezz

Quick update:

I kind of have a job. Not completely. But I do.

Also I just want to know when horrible awful stupid as shit people decided that there needed to be a new wave of half assed Nu Metal that sucks donkey ass.
Seriously? Who's idea was that?

What I'm Listening to recently:

Shadows Fall
In Flames

Life, Death, Rebirth; mostly music related

Man, this week has been full of ups and downs.

Brandon got me aware of the fact that Killswitch Engage had a new album coming out soon so I went and listened to it and shit. Well okay a quick history on this band for me.

Killswitch Engage was one of the first bands that made me say holy shit as a teenager. They and Hatebreed showed me that you could be super heavy as fuck and not lame. But KsE also did the whole melodic thing really well.

To this day one of my favorite albums of all time is Alive or Just Breathing with their old singer.

They then came out with The End of Heartache with a different singer who is really really awesome but just didn't have the same feel as the old guy. I liked that one too but not as much Alive or Just Breathing. By this time everyone and their mom was copying KsE's style and they decided to come out with something so generic and halfassed that it was like they were on the verge of sliding into self parody. As Daylight Dies is good on paper but it lacks any urgency or creativity. It's missing an umph that the earlier stuff had in spades. I hated that album and still refuse to carry it with me.

So needless to say I wrote them off as another one of the many bands that I admired back in the day who just lost it. Lamb of God's new album? Sucks. Chimaira's new album? sucks. God Forbid's new one is amazing but that ratio isn't favorable. So by this logic KsE's new one should too.

Wrong.

Their new one is fuckin awesome. It's like they found their focus again. It's almost as good as Alive or Just Breathing. That was so fuckin exciting to hear them back in top form. It's been days since I listened to it and I'm still excited when I hear it. Giddy is the word. Welcome back.

So now on to the next subject:
MICHAEL JACKSON.

I'm gonna keep this one short because I can't express exactly how I feel about this in words.
When I heard he died I was shocked but it didn't really hit till I was watching the MTV marathon of videos and people talking about him. He's so goddamn influential. NOBODY will ever be as big as Michael Jackson. He's like the Alexander The Great of music. Everyone respects him, everyone dances to his songs and I will always love MJ for his contributions to society, music and pop culture.

So I also saw Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I sat there watching it, knowing it was going to be big bloated summer Michael Bay fest but Christ it was awesome. Yeah it was like 40 minutes too long and yeah the roommate character is THE MOST ANNOYING sidekick in the history of sidekicks and a horrible idea but there were simply too many old school Transformers throwbacks and like a zillion more robot on robot fights then I could ever ask for. It was so badass. If I had to listen to the annoying as fuck roommate in order to see 17 robot rights then so be it. Loved it.

Also I really would like a job. One that doesn't suck. This week I'm starting to feel like it.
I'm actually starting the Bengal and Rourke pilot for real. It will be awesome. It's hard to write it right now though. I don't know why. Maybe a bit of a funk?
I love how I just ramble on this thing with no consideration for anyone reading it. It must be real A.D.D.

PS I'm diggin my iPhone 3GS

Update Uplate

Howdy.

Since I've left Texas I guess I don't hear my subliminal quota of Tex Slang. "Howdy", "Ya'll" and dare I even say " I want a coke" and not have it mean coke a cola. So now I find myself saying these things. Is it because I don't hear them as much and need them to be said by me or anybody? Or is it because I usually say these things? Don't really know.

So I was really excited at the beginning of the week because out of the 60 something emails I had sent out asking for jobs, I had actually recieved an email back asking for an interview and I freaked out. It was for a really cool special effects makeup company.
So I went in for the interview.

When I first showed up I realized even though I was wearing jeans, sneakers and a button up white shirt tucked in, I was grossly overdressed for this place. Everyone seemed to be in casual work clothes, t-shirts, shorts etc. Damnit.

Some young guy a few years older then me interviewed me and I guess I've just been ruined by years of corporate style interview prcoesses, becuase I realized I came off really dry and dare I say boring. I was saying all the right things but I was aying all the right things eveybody else says.

So I've been waiting all week to hear back and at this point I haven't heard anything back.
I don't think I got the job.

I also really really like the beaches here in Cali. So far Venice is my favorite. I saw a dude do a front flip over 10 people. Nuts.

That's about it on that front, back to sending emails and scouring the internet for jobs.

A few quick notes before I go:

Transformers 2 this week. AHHHHHH nerdgasm.
Kat Candler is gonna be in town for the LA filmfest.
Buying my new iPhone 3GS today. That's cool.
I also realized I need to get out of the house in order to get any writing done. Gotta find a cool SpiderHouse-esque place to do that at.
Bengal and Rourke is moving along slowly but steadily. It's actually gonna be pretty good. Badass, emotional, funny, over the top, cool as shit, are some of the terms I'd use to describe it.


This is funny:

I Made A List

So it's a lazy Sunday (hangover, see above.) but apparently downtown LA is the place to be if you want to have yourself a good ol' fashion small scale riot. Sounds cool. Looks crazy.
But alas all I did today was sleep, eat and BBQ.

The last few days have, at the very least, produced a varied amount of topics and material to which I specifically thought: Hey that'd be some great crap to talk about on my blog.

Not that I've been SUPER busy lately; Quite the opposite. I've been uber lazy for the better part of the week. Sure I sent out tons of emails and called a bunch of places about internships but they had their minds made up to not hire me already. Or return my calls or emails.

But for example I did watch HEAT for the 1,234,983 time. Which I have no qualms about doing.


I also am prepping my HEAT tour of LA. Gonna go find all these great places they show in the movie.

I also went and saw the BGO (Battlestar Galactica Orchestra) downtown yesterday and it was pretty damn awe-inspiring. This awesome group of top notch musicians playing top notch music in such a cool way. I dunno, it was a night of many mad nergasms. Bought a frakin' cool poster as well:

Isn't that cool?
Makes me miss BSG so bad.

Here's one thing I won't miss->
Twilight
Just watched it with my roommates, or as they say roomies. Overall I just have to say one thing about Twilight and I don't want people to think that I'm knocking it in anyway. Here goes: I just don't get it. I get it literally; it all makes story sense (not really) but I guess it just went way over my head.


While we're on the topic of things going over my head, check this out. I noticed recently that almost everybody I encounter here in LA is in some way always all the time selling themselves. My pharmacist. Yep he's got a record label he's starting up. The cute chicks in the elevator? Actress's working on developing a show. Take a card. The bartender/model at the really fancy wine bar? Writer/Actor. Yeah you guys should totally hook up and work together sometime.

I just don't believe in whoring myself out all the time. I prefer to do it when I feel it necessary. Which is not all the time. On the other hand, I really am starting to fall back on my old belief that I'm gonna have to make my own work and make people want to work with me not the other way around where they decide on hiring me. That's where Battlehouse Pictures comes in. More on that at a later date. Contradiction? Maybe...

Also just on one more weird random note.
I've been hungering for music lately from like early high school. Hatebreed, Pantera, Poison The Well, etc.

That shit rules ass.

PS
I know my punctuation is bad.

6 in the morning isn't late it's early to some people

For anyone living under a rock, I'm living in LA in this badass little house. Actually it's kind of big.

Anyway all my roommates seem to be pretty damn cool and interesting:
A fashion major from the mid-west.
Actually three of them.
A musician/singer from Austin now going to USC.
and an Actress who isn't retarded but pretty smart.

I'm a big believer in what I like to call Roommate bonding time. It helped me bond with my very first roommate Diego who let's just say couldn't be anymore different then me. We both came away with a strange sort of respect and friendship that I couldn't have seen happening before then. Same thing with PTom and Senviel. Didn't know them all too well and now I love the guys to death. Same with Austin and Brandon is my best friend so that doesn't even need to be said.

So of course my new roommates and I stayed up drinking till 6 in the morning. The weird thing is: I realized I haven't bonded with new people I didn't really know in a really long time. Is maybe that why I was getting into my funk back in Austin? Had I just not gotten thrown out of my shell? These are the things I went to bed thinking as the sun continued to rise.


I woke up at 1 in the afternoon only thinking about how I was still caught in that last little bit of hangover. I wasn't going to get about half of the stuff I had on my TO DO list done. Way to go. But totally worth it in the end I feel.

In fact since I've been in LA now for almost 3 weeks alot has happened that I could never have thought of a month ago.

KOTA's roommates are some genuinly awesome people. My roommates are. I went to the beach with Kelly and Good God that beach was beautiful. Wish I had taken my camera. It was surreal.

My point is that if I was Stella and I was in the process of getting my groove back this is how it would be happening. I'd meeting new people and pushing myself to open up.
I think that's what was really ultimately negative about the past few semesters at UT was that my own way of handling the fact that school in no way at all challenged or pushed me was the that I still had to go to it and sit through it so what was I going to do? The answer is shutup. To clam up. To not speak up.

That's not me at all. I'm vocal. I have an opinion. I like people to know my opinion. It's so frakkin' refreshing. It's getting me pumped up. It's giving me drive. I haven't had real genuine drive in a long damn time. Honestly this is just me speaking really glib at this point but right now if I had to go back to school or stay here I'd have to stay here based solely on the fact that at least I'm forced and challenged in all the right ways here.

Now if I could only get an awesome job...
That's for another post.

WHOA! AN UPDATE?! WHAT!?!?!

Wow, I haven't been keeping up with this at all have I?
Where to start?

First things first:
Living out of your truck and on friends couch is cool, it really is.
But it sucks too.

Second I'm sorry I didn't keep my update daily thing while on the road up. That fell through bigtime. Lo Siento.

So I finally got all my stuff moved in.
Before that happened, that one person who was kind of on my mind finally told me what was going on and even though I'm not the biggest fan of what she said I understand it and actually feel better that she told me. BUT I still think she does. Because no one can resist. Once you go Zach You Don't Go Back. I don't know in reality but I feel alot better about it, which is how I hope she feels.

It's the new thing to say.

So yeah, I got all moved in. Well moved in for what I brought, which wasn't much. I like the house. My roommates seem cool and the house is in South Central LA near USC so that actually is kind of exciting. I'm reminded at least once a night that LAPD uses their helicopters to great effect.

Hmm.. what else? Alot.
But I'll try and keep it short. Basically a few nights ago I was homeless and hanging out at the Oakwoods with Andy at our friend Ellen's place. She's cool and all and then one of her roommates asked if anyone watches that Galactica show cause she had an extra ticket to go to this thing:

Needless to say I almost fainted from trying not to shit my pants in excitement about this. So cut to today. I'm fresh and so clean clean and dressed all business casual and we go and I just have to grin ear to ear for the most part. It was really cool. That's a huge understatement. I can't even tell you. And to top this whole thing off this girl besides being cute is actually kind cool so we spun the night into a cool adventure of looking for late night spots to eat.



I gotta say that I really dig LA. Things change here quickly and all the time. Keeps you on your toes and it's really beautiful and all but I have to say that I left my heart in Austin. It's my favorite city of all time. Always will be.

But then again Austin doesn't have 30 foot tall posters of this:

Trip to LA: Day 1

Update on day one. Pretty interesting...

First we were running late. Then a few hours into the trip Geoff's car broke down and started smoking.


Saw some cows while waiting to fix Geoff's car.


That took a really long time, and I wish I would have taken pictures of the awesome Church's Fried Chicken family meal we split earlier in the day cuz that ruled.

But all I got for the rest of that day are some amazing pictures of West Texas sunsets. Try driving towards them blaring Ulrich Schnuass, it's an experience unto itself. Here's what I'm talking about:


Day two is more insane
Also, look at how cool we looked before we left:

On Way to LA Day:0

It's three in the morning. I'm in San Antonio at my sisters place. I'm leaving with my friends Geoff and AJ in the morning to LA.

Gonna be one big long caravan ride up there. And mos def fun.

Because I dropped my old camera at Kevin's Easter party a few months ago I went ahead and against most better judgment bought a semi-nice digital SLR camera.

At some point I will have cool things to take pictures of but at this point most of my pictures are of things like this: Chetto


And this: My technology


Kind of lame so far but I promise better ones in the very near future.

Because I'm doing alot of driving I have alot of time to think and I find myself thinking about some people (okay a certain person) and catch myself. I know I shouldn't, but I can't. Hell I don't even want to and still do. What the hell am I thinking? You and I both don't know.
When it gets down to it, I know it's stupid and that's not that exciting.

You know what is exciting?
Being homeless for the next week, living out my truck and suitcases and on people's couches and floors.

That's what's exciting.

Summer Time Salvation

Ok, so I'm almost 100% moved out and I'm staying in a hotel room with Mom in Austin. Going to Houston tomorrow morning. Then LA drive starts Monday. I hate Sally Field and also Nancy Grace. Just FYI.

I saw Terminator Salvation this afternoon by myself (something I do normally sometimes). I have mixed feelings.

First off the good things about it.


Christian Bale is a kickass John Conner even if for most of it he's screaming his name and being all military as shit and a badass. Not a bad thing. This is the first movie Conner's been a badass and it's refreshing to see. I love how Christian Bale is just ON EDGE the whole movie. No wonder he freaked out on set. It sounds like he's drinking Testosterone before he each take. There's seriously a scene where he screams his own name like 5 times. Neck bursting style. Love it.

The cinematography and production/sound design are amazing. Saw it at Galaxy in 2k and their sound is just right above where you'd put it normally. The harvester grunt machine sounds are horrifying. Some absolutlely breathtaking shots and action scenes. Things I've wanted to see in a movie for a long time but haven't until now. Really got me excited about filmmaking.

The bad:

Who the hell thought letting Danny Elfman, Mr. "I haven't done a good score in years", do an orchestra score for a Terminator movie? His music, which half assedly included the Terminator theme only twice, blows big time and like the movie TROY this movie is brought down a big notch becuase the music is so half assed, unoriginal, uninspiring, and bland. It was traditional hollywood and over sentimental, nowhere near what you need for something post-judgement day.

The script plays with some really cool ideas and events which are only alluded to in previous movies and it seems really cool. But it needed another 3 rewrites before it should have been shot. It lacks logic, emotion, and worst of all: balls. God, they needed some bigger storytelling balls for this.

And last of all,
It doesn't have this:


Sure Arnold's got a strange CGI cameo that's cool but honestly didn't need to be there and is never really explained. It just didn't have any weight to it. And that's sad cause Arnold' s the best and most heavy screen presence of all time.

In personal news, I finally opened myself up more than I have in a longtime to a girl. It's weird honestly, in the past when I've done this I've at least gotten a response but I didn't even get that much. Just silence. What the hell does that mean? I know I've been emotionally stunted for a long time but I'm frustrated by someone else who is. Irony? I don't know. So I'm starting now and going to no longer retard myself emotionally. Like anybody reads this crap.

Busy Sunday (like Lazy sunday but...)

Hey I got a badass new netbook. Check it out:

Parents came into town early this morning for Chicken Feet screening, which was awesome.
Sister came in last night with Cheeto, her tiny dog.

Dad flew out for work earlier and now Mom's watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
ew.
I'd rather watch Bad Boys II.



Mom's adamant about helping me move my stuff into storage before I move to LA.
She'll be here all week helping me out.

PS I am going to write an assload of Bengal and Rourke episodes and also Born To Lose will probably be my first feature.

More to come...

My Autobiography is going to be called: WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?: THE LIFE AND TIMES OF ZACH

Okay, I'm not stupid or anything but sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm thinking or what the hell I'm doing. I do things and I'm like I don't really know why exactly in words I'm doing these things but shit I'm gonna do it no matter how uncomfortable and weird a situation it puts me in.
It's a gut reaction that I'm way too used to doing. But sometimes it pays off.

This usually applies to me self-sabotaging different things.
Money. Relationships with girls I like. Friendships. Almost everything.

So it is this mindset that stays with me on this, the eve of everything coming back to bite me in the ass. Maybe it's me trying to rationalize my irrational way of conducting myself for the past semester or two. But I honestly think it's something bigger and a lot deeper.

First off, I've really painted myself in a shit stained corner with school. I've intentionally skipped one class all semester and am bound to fail. This was a conscious decision as it was my way of rebelling against not only a class full of freshman business majors who were boring as fuck and a class I didn't actually need to take, but also my way of first saying "I'm burnt out at the whole school thing". It was also my way of saying in actions not words that I'm starting to realize a large chunk of my schooling has been ultimately worthless. Not all of it. Most.

But then there's the class I thought I dropped out of but actually didn't and I'm gonna fail a class I didn't even realize I was taking. I don't even wanna get started on how pissed off this makes me. And it only leads me to being more pissed with the way the school handles this type of shit. I don't trust the system. I've seen it screw too many people over and now I'm being fucked over by it as well.

This leads me to a class which I love but honestly was just too busy doing something I knew I wanted to do then that class. My ACTLab class was badass as shit. I loved it, but I only also went a handful of times. Why? Well besides me working on CHICKEN FEET more so than should be healthy I also was very anxious when I was in that class. Why? I love having those types of conversations the class did but I also realized many people in that classroom for one reason or another and at different points in their lives did not know exactly what they wanted to do. Some were just trying to kill time, some were just too comfortable in the semi-lazy way of life academia provides, some were just too damn ADD to stay on any one thing and loved the ACTLab's hyper ADD environment.

Me personally, I am way too anxious and focused to not start getting my ideas out there and produced in the biggest way possible. Not that I'm better then any of them, in fact I admire them for being so whizbang. But ultimately and sadly enough it was another reason I realized college/academia was not for me. I'm gonna do my final presentation for the class and I am gonna put my all in it but I don't feel like I did enough and I am man enough to admit at least that.

The whole idea of school to me is kind of assbackwards. I'm gonna put myself thousands of dollars in debt so I can get a piece of paper that will for one reason or another give me magical money powers that I can get a magical money grubbing job with and work myself out of that debt and somehow be on top albeit totally unhappy for the rest of my life? Everyone I know with a college degree right now is in some way either way too stressed out, not where they wanna be, unhappy or all three.

That leads me to the big two letters: LA. There are many reasons for this.
I'm a senior, I should be graduating, but I'm not. Far too many of friends have over the past four years gone to Europe or backpacking or just generally done some self exploring or gotten a huge much needed break from school. I haven't. I do wanna travel and see the world and such I really do. But I know I can't afford it both financially and personally. If you follow me on the most irrational course of action way of thinking I'm prone to, you'll arrive to the same conclusion I have: Go out to LA on your own and see what happens.

Right now honestly I want nothing more professionally other than getting my ideas made onto the screen and for many people to enjoy. I want people to enjoy the things I create. Not a few, but lots and lots of people. Why? Money? No. Not really. Celebrity? No. I don't ever want to be on perezhilton. It's because big wide spread stories have effected me greatly throughout my life and I have the most fun making these types of things. This semester the one thing that kept me from total depression was the fact that for the first time in college I met and worked with people who knew what they were doing and are good people. We get along, creativity flows, work gets done and the whole time we have fun. If I can get that along with a job that pays I'll be super happy at work all the time.

My point of this is that I really really want to get Bengal & Rourke made into a TV show. I want to do it while I'm young and hungry and I feel like I'm angry enough and starving enough to produce something that people have never seen before. I watched some of NBC's new drama Southland and it's like they stole half my ideas and infused it with a big no fun only drama attitude. Bengal and Rourke is the fun loving bastard punk rock child of Southland and Miami Vice. I also want to get Kick Bigfoot's Ass made on a $75 million dollar budget by the time I'm 26.

All this talk gets me super excited but honestly I have all these ambitions and I definitly have the will to do all the work necessary to get them made but I realize as I type them out I am totally not sharing this with anyone.

Let me be honest with you. I'm a romantic at heart. I believe in true love. I believe in love at first sight. I have been in love. I have been out of love. I have been hurt. I have hurt people. But when it comes down to it, it depresses me to shit becasue I can't open myself up like I used to. Am I jaded? Cynical? No. The answer just like that little asian guy who changed my life said. His name is HAL by the way. He told me what my problem was and it applies to me forever. I'm afraid.

In this case, I'm afraid of being hurt again like I was. It makes me so sad that I am and I swear to god that I won't stay this way. I need to open up and again and trust again. My friends started me watching this show SKINS. It's british and I'm only watching the third season but that show stirs something inside me. It reminds me of a time when I was all or nothing. Not afraid. When ANYTHING was possible and I didn't have a care in the world. When I would embrace each day as it came and nothing weighed down my heart. It's the same feeling a good M83 song ellicts from me.

I've lost touch with that feeling and only had mere glimpses of it in the past four years and it's something I want more than anything. I remember most of my time at UTSA as crappy as it was, the environment and the people there shook me and forced me to do alot of growing up mostly for the better. I love them for that and I owe them all greatly.

The other time was around this same time last year when I went for this jog with my friend Caitlin. It's almost summer and she takes me down this path that's just beautiful and it's all sunny and then it starts to rain a little as we jog. The way the sun was setting and the river reflected the rain and sun was moving but then BOOM it started hailing and we took shelter underneath some school area. It was so moving and life affirming that I just wanted to kiss her or cry, it was just amazingly beautiful on this clear day sunset watching it hail on this hill in the silence of just the setting. It really moves me even thinking of it. The point of all of this being that I need to and am reconnecting with my true inner die hard romantic self. It sure is happening.

I want to find someone to share all of the awesome things in life with. Someone beautiful with a beautiful and positive outlook on life and the world. Someone who pushes me and forces me into making myself a better person. And someone I can do hopefully the same to.

Which now leads me to leaving my beloved city of Austin behind. Will I come back? I don't know. Austin will forever be a place of romance in every sense of the word for me. Youthful abandon and energy. Mystery at it's best. I love this city. It doesn't make sense to leave. But my gut tells me to for better or worse.

And for one of the few times in my life I don't have a single clue as to what's going to happen next. It's really scary. Frightening actually. But I know that if I follow my heart, my gut and put my back into all the work I have no doubt about me coming out on top of it.

Sleep Deprivation

Not much sleep in the last 3 days but last night I finally slept 6.5 hours.

First let me say that STAR TREK ruled. big time.
I loved it.

The second thing is that I let all my regular routine go this past week and I obviously need to get back on it. Big time.

I'll post more later.

AWESOME STUFF in busy week

Today has been nuts. So much shit is going down.
I'm worried about getting Chicken Feet stuff done in time.
I'm super pumped about Star Trek.

I need to turn off my brain and just be entertained.

I watched the Hannah Montana episodes. Christ that show is awful.
I have till 10 tomorrow to write 8 pages on them for class. (I should be doing that right now.)

And I can't think of anything I want to do more right now other than watch this:


Seriously.
I love this movie.

Busiest Week Ever

I didn't realize this till yesterday but this week is INSANE.

I've got an 8 page paper on Hannah Montana due on Thursday.
I'm seeing Trek on Thursday (4k) AND Friday (IMAX) and in siqq ass TOS uniform thanks to Andy.
I'm getting some Bengal and Rourke work-shopped tomorrow.
I had to do pick up shots for Chicken Feet tonight.
I had to play bass on a smooth jazz track for Wrong Ticket
I had record voice over for my friends 30 second editing project.
I had a three hour filmmakers panel which was cool.
I have to sign my lease for my new place in Austin.
I had to pay my rent and shit.
I have to do laundry.
I have to add guitar to a song for Chicken Feet.
I have to help AJ score some of Chicken Feet
I have to irrigate my empty tooth sockets every night. (As gross as it sounds)
I have to come up with a project for ACTLab.
I have to convince school I don't suck, it's they who suck.
I have to lock down a place in Cali.
I have to lock down a job/internship in Cali.
I have to color correct Chicken Feet and finalize it before the 14th.
I have to go in Saturday ALL DAY and mix Chicken Feet in 5.1 (Cool!).

That's not counting the fact that I'd like some time to read a book, play guitar, and get in shape.

Speaking of which I would love to overhaul and buy $4,000 worth of guitar equipment and new guitars.

Early Sunday Morning= Juan In A Million for Breakfast

Had to wake up early cuz my good friend Karen and her husband Henry were in town for a little bit and wanted some breakfast at Juan In A Million which I've always heard about but never actually gotten around to.

The verdict: It's fantastic and stupid cheap too.

Reminds me of that Juan In A Million movie that I love.

I never really get up that early and it physically hurts me to do so for a good half and hour but I do enjoy being up that early in the morning. It's beautiful.

Downloaded those Glassjaw albums. I don't know why I couldn't get into them when I was younger. I was also pretty dumb cuz they're awesome.

This weekend could have been better, but I'm not gonna complain about it.

I got some work with the Chicken Feet crew, and also some BBQ and drinking while we're at it. The best way.

So Angry

I'm not stupid, and despite my puffy face and glasses I can see clearly what's going on
I make my own mistakes and I definitely don't make them small
But at least I don't make them in front of you
I'd say a lot meaner things if there wasn't some emotion there but that's what sucks doesn't it?
There is.
Sure it's my fault for not saying whats obvious
and maybe I'm the wuss for not telling you sooner
But FUCK YOU
How dare you think I can't see what's going on
And how dare you do it right in front of me

Random Wednesday Update

All right well this is Wednesday and all sorts of random crap is goin' on in my brain today. Be it the pills or the five hour energy or the combination of them both is all up to your own speculation.

First of all right above is a picture of a new breakthrough in imaginary nanotechnology. It's a "nanotakashibot" and it's my modification (if not a total ripoff) of Tweenbots. I'm still trying to figure out a way to make this into some weird ACTLab project. Maybe they don't really do anything but be tiny and look cute which therefore makes people feel all giddy?

Then also I bought some shorts:

My new ones are kinda like that.

Also in case you were subscribed to how is my tooth situation it's that I don't have them anymore( see last post).

BUT, the awesome news is that my left cheek is uber- swollen and makes me look like the elephant man version of myself.

"That's not true, Zach, you're the best looking guy in school" Is probably what you're thinking but just look at this artist rendition using the latest advances in computer imaging technology



Told you.

Missing Teeth In The Morning

Those aren't my teeth.

In fact I'm only missing two, not four. But the point is that basically my jaw feels like someone put a cinder block in the spot where my teeth used to be.

Got lots of cool medicine and the whole thing maybe lasted 20 minutes tops. I was awake for all of it and drove home, albeit in a bit of a distracted mood. The coolest part though is that I had to wait 45 minutes for my prescriptions to be ready. So being the cool guy I am I bought Engine Coolant and filled my truck up with it.

I also spit some awesome blood stains on the cement around downtown.

So now I have nothing really to do but sleep, be in pain, watch movies, get LA stuff done and write. I really need to start writing more again. Some of the things I got in mind, shit they're good.

Also the Vicodin is kicking in.

Cool Space Stories

I have been nerding out recently and watching old 60's Star Trek with my friend Andy and it's made me think back and kind of get in touch with my young nerd self again. Not that I ever lost touch, but I like having an excuse to watch cartoons.

So besides growing up with a healthy dose of Star Trek conventions and episodes of Next Generation I remember specifically becoming a huge fan of EXOSQUAD. I was so into ExoSquad that I would wake up at 6:15 every morning before school and catch ExoSquad on whatever UPN was before it became UPN. After that was Biker Mice From Mars which I thought was stupid. Anyway my parents put up with this, my dad even helped me call the toy stores to see when they got new shipments in so I could have the whole ExoFleet. Man those E-Frames were cool as shit. Just look at how cool this thing is-


Who wouldn't want to play with that ^?

I'm re-watching ExoSquad right now on Hulu (Thank God for the internet). No wonder I was such a die hard little fan of this show as a kid. I am as an adult too. It's a really well written, smart and dare I say edgy sci-fi show, only with Saturday morning cartoon animation and kickass toys to go along with it. It deals with real moral issues about the dangers of playing god and racial inequality/superiority are center to the story.

In fact it makes me feel kind of weird because it shares alot of plot similarities to my favorite "adult" show Battlestar Galactica.

Man, it's so good. I think when I'm done with ExoSquad I'm gonna re-watch ROBOTECH. The first Macross part is still the reason I decided to make movies as a kid. I'll do a separate post about that later.

Questions, Resumes, and Surgery

First up just to let everyone know, for some odd reason I need my aching tooth removed. Lame as shit.

I'm trying to get everything for going out to LA all hooked up and that's nuts. Just nuts. And scary. Sending a resume out cold is really fuckin' scary.

I'm really torn at this point. I LOVE Austin, I really do. It's beautiful, fun, and the people here are awesome. But at the same time. I am extremely unhappy in one fundamental way. I feel really lazy and useless because of fact that I'm now not moving forward; not advancing myself anymore professionally.

School if anything has garnished me one maybe one and a half solid semesters worth of actual learning in four years. A handful of great people. And maybe that alone is worth it. But they're all leaving, and so am I. The only thing is I "have to" come back. Do I come back and throw myself into some sort of half assed funk/depression again? I don't know.

Guess I'll cross those bridges when I get to them.

Tooth Ache!

Okay so today was the first day of Chicken Feet shooting part II and of course I have this awful agonizing tooth ache on this tooth I had problems with a few years ago and it's feeling like someone is tearing the left side of my jaw apart violently over and over again.

But it's cool we got a crane for today and for the most part it turned out awesome. The church we shot in was nuts awesome looking. A little dark but it's all good.

Also Crank II came out today so I'm gonna pop like 9 tylonol and go see it.

I feel bad cuz I'm all edgy cuz of how bad this damn thing hurts and I can't see a dentist till Tuesday. SUPER DUPER.
Until then I 'll be living off a steady supply of pain killers.

I'd rather feel like this kid.

Saturday

This is a weird Saturday: Nothing really major to do.

That's the first time that's happened in awhile. I'm gettin' my laundry on and maybe some dishes as well, but it's Easter weekend and almost everybody is back home or whatever. I thought about going home for Easter but I'm not. I do want to head home soon to relax again, that was fun.

Next weekend got the rest of CHICKEN FEET to shoot and that's exciting. I got the hook up through my professor and got a jib crane and a steadicam. I'm gonna look super legit. And so will the movie.

Mostly the movie actually.

I've finally decided on a new feature to write. It's gonna be pretty awesome. Imagine if the movies Bonnie & Clyde and The Perfect Score got in a fight with the fuck you-ness of Rage Against The Machine. Gonna be the more angry less evil twin of The Devil's Rejects.

Of course more info as it comes in.

Till next time

MOVIE TRAILERS

There are so many kick ass movie trailers out right now.
Just a few recent ones that kick alot of ass.








Each of these make me want to shit my pants.

New(ish) Blog (NU?)

There's some cool stuff I'm going to do on this blog. I swear. Almost everything on here will be cool. I promise.